The tradeoff

One of the things that often bothers me about my bipolar and the regimen of drugs I take is that I am not as outgoing and extroverted as I was before. I feel like I am just in the room in parties or gatherings. Many times people have to lead the conversation when I am around and before I was always so talkative and fun. I miss being emotional. Nothing makes me sad or mad, amused or excited. There is just me being there and watching and listening which is a big change from when I was younger. I used to be this class clown kind of guy. I always had topics to discuss, political views, all sorts of things to say. I think the value of a mood stabilizer is useful in that my moods are consistent, but sometimes I feel like not having moods makes me invisible or distant from my friends and family. I love, and I am happy, but those are just numbed nowadays. I try to express my self and my joy through my writing because the happy clown guy is no more. All I can tell the people who miss the old me as much as I do, is that Gregg was scared, worried and unhappy. I love my family and friends even if I am more quiet than before.